How Many Fingers?

My cousin P, once told me that one should have as many good friends as the number of fingers on your hands. For the longest time I laughed over that statement, convincing myself that one day I would have a huge gang of friends and life would be all rosy and a fun road trip (as depicted in trashy Bollywood movies and over-the-top Hollywood chick flicks). I yearned for that so much and to my surprise, in the 25 years of my life, that didn't happen and well I couldn't be happier.

Over the years, I've made some wonderful friends, some who've stayed and some who've drifted apart. A lot of this has got to do with the fact that I've moved a lot and my friends circle was ever changing. But it's a nice, warm fuzzy feeling when you see friends from 'way back then' to still have been in touch. I think if I had to sit and write down the names of friends I've had in the years gone by, I may actually be able to so (accompanied by a long ream of paper).

It's comforting when you know you have friends and you also to know who are your friends. It's nice to go through the process of making new friends, getting to know them better and then knowing whether they really are your friends or not. Friendship is tricky yet simple. It can make or break everything. But it's equally difficult to let go of friends and/or friendship. Deep down inside I still feel really bad when I think of people who I thought were friends but it didn't work out. That hits really hard! Maybe its a phase-of-life thing. It's equally difficult to start making new friends...something I think we have to do all our lives, but guess it has to be done.

Having said that, I'm pretty sure I'm going to have less friends and more fingers, but that certainly works! I'm ever so grateful to the wonderful ones I have now, I've had in the past and those that I will have in the future...looking forward to seeing you.

Cheers!

Someone else mentioned that same belief as cousin P...looks like it works for everyone!

Courage Is

For a long time, I've been asking myself if I were courageous and what it meant to be so. After a lot of introspection I was able to answer myself. At the risk of sounding very preachy...

Courage is playing that tune associated with the wildest of memories. It is facing the dark, when there is enough light around. It is to looking deep within and still be able to look beyond. Courage is in being hopeful and in hoping, it is in enjoying the burnt dinner, in being honest. Courage is wanting to not wanting, in making things matter, in accepting, in laughing, and in admiring. Courage is being yourself.
                                                                           

"Let go, laugh often, and keep peeking around corners;...

...it'll make for interesting anecdotes in the very least."

It is not often that one gets comfort in words. I've always felt that words comfort, but only to a certain extent. It never sounds believable or convincing enough.  To this day I haven't felt as lucky as I did when I read what a former mentor of mine wrote to me recently. 

Every once in while, there comes a time when you feel SO crappy, that you want to bury your head in the ground and never surface. That's what I've been feeling (and doing) for quite a while. But its nice to know that decisions that you make actually may alter things, make a difference and may make life completely different from what was ever imagined (in a good manner). Having someone who not just believes in you but also encourages you is extremely important. 

What's more important is that someone tells you that its ok to do what you want to do. Probably one of the only few persons who said something nice and encouraging when I made certain (current) decisions.

I'm looking forward to peeking around corners the most, atleast I'll have something to write about!

Thank you so much, K!

PS: I'm soon going to start a poster series titled 'Words of Encouragement". Watch this space for more! 

Want to bury my face (in a hat here) and never surface!

And Now That We're Dreamless

As part of my life-is-so-miserable-but-I'm-still-going-to-try series, I have my first entry that opposes the same. Ok, maybe it's the first step towards. In no manner is this post to be taken as whining or complaining or cribbing. It's just me, talking, being realistic.

Ever since I was 13, I had this one goal, this one dream. I have no idea how the seed was plotted in my head, but that became my only aim in life. Even if I didn't express it explicitly, deep down, I sort of knew what I wanted. And I worked towards it, if not giving it all my time and effort, at least some of it did go into that.

Cut to age 22. With hard work, perseverance and with some good luck, the dream did come true. The journey was difficult, something that I questioned at many points, but somehow I didn't give up. It felt good. Sweet. I enjoyed every bit.

Till I turned 25. You see, the dream had now been fulfilled and it was well, practically over.
Needless to say, I had not really imagined the same, the beyond and the after. From 13-25 I had not once thought that there will be a time when I'd have to think of a future, a something. * Wish I had been better prepared* It's equally difficult to explain this to anyone or expect someone to understand. It's something one experiences I guess.

I'm now at this point (and I say it very objectively) where I don't know how to dream or what to dream. It's scary and gives me chills, but I'm hopeful. Something will trigger a goal or a dream soon, and I'm eagerly waiting for it. It's not to say that I didn't enjoy the journey or the dream. Both were lovely. Made me a stronger, better person.

Perhaps its time to get up, smell the coffee and look around.

(As I write this, the song Dream a little dream of me, is playing softly. )

I'd also like to thank the three students who didn't take up the offer and I got the chance. Secretly, the universe does let you get what you want.

MM with a space!

For the longest time I didn't know that there was a space in MM's name.

Perhaps it never came up, in written or in oral form. We've been the craziest and the coolest pair of friends (or so I'd like to believe)  for the past three years and a two figured month . It doesn't take me by surprise as to why though. MM has got to be the kindest and calmest person I've met in quite a while. There's a certain aura around and a very interesting character around MM.

An excellent support system, a horrible critique, a huge risk taker, a constant teaser, easy-to-make-fun-of, madly talented,  the most humble person I've ever met, and not to forget one who can always be trusted. We've seen each other through the good, the bad, the ugly and the crazy and secretly we know that we're there for each other.

We're both big on experiences, learnings and mope about things! Whilst there is no one special story and experience I can remember with MM but there's a bagful of memories that I'd actually like to keep boxed up, safe and tight, so whenever I tug at it, there's a lot to smile about. (Ok, there's one...saving that for another post)

So while you wonder why I didn't know there was a space in MM's name, its only because it never mattered and thats what true friendship is all about.

Thank you MM.